I had the great opportunity to attend Outer Banks Pridefest this weekend with my framily (read: friends, who have become family). It was a fun-filled weekend, starting with a Booze Cruise in the Albemarle Sound. All through the weekend, I was excited to be at the beach and surrounded by people who, like me, need a place where they feel safe, free, and valued.
So why is it when I am surrounded by people who love me, value me, and I can be as free as I want to be, I still get anxiety? Is it because for so many years, I lived in fear of myself? Or in fear people would know something was different about me? What would happen if someone figured it out? Would I be sent away? Would I be made to go to somewhere to change? I still get nervous and anxious, even when I know it’s going to be all right.
On Saturday, my best friend and I had a booth at the Family fun event on the Manteo Waterfront. He was selling his newly released crime novel and I had various knit and crochet items, some with a Pride theme. I had sold all my Rainbow hats except one. It was near the end of the event, when two women came over to our booth. They were both wearing Ally shirts and had a young boy about 5 years old with them. The boy was very active and looked at my last rainbow hat. “Can I get it?” he asked on of the women he was with. She told him of course you can. He immediately put it on. He then proceeded to show us his amazing pink and purple light up shoes. The kid was truly happy and being his own proud self at the amazing age of five. His “allies” seemed very content with allowing him to express himself any way he wanted and allowing him to be as free as he wanted. It brought tears to my eyes.
This short few minutes made me wonder. What if I had been allowed to be that free? What if I hadn’t been afraid for so many years? I could probably go on with what if’s for quite a while. I just know little by little, I am trying to become less fearful, less anxious, and more free. Free to be me. Knitting seems to help somewhat with the anxiety. The anxiety is big. Maybe I need to knit more.
Just my thoughts at this point. Hope it inspires or helps.
Rusty Needles Knitting 
How neat to find a knitting blog from the Outer Banks. We are lucky to have friends that own a beach house in Duck. I look forward to hearing about your knitting in the warm south. I have visited Knitting Addiction in Kitty Hawk. I love rainbow yarns just because they are colorful.
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Thanks. This is a new venture for me.
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